Day 51
Miles Hiked Today - 13
Total Trail Miles - 518.8

Partnership Shelter

Last night I slept outside, under an almost-full moon. I woke up periodically throughout the night and caught glimpses of the moon as it moved across the sky. The light was so bright, I could barely fall asleep.

Today my "crew" and I hiked a short ten miles to Partnership Shelter. This is a fairly new shelter with a large loft. There's even a shower! Quite fancy. We just ordered very bad pizza from the local pizza joint - - - yuck!

Day 52
Miles Hiked Today - 11.6
Total Trail Miles - 530.4

Motel Room in Atkins, VA

Very, very tired. Beautiful views today. The walk into Atkins (through cow pastures) was lovely. Tomorrow I'm headed back out there.

Day 53
Miles Hiked Today - 14.3
Total Trail Miles - 544.7

Knot Maul Shelter

Today's hike put me past the one-fourth-of-the-way-to-Katahdin point. Another day, another milestone.

This morning was very tough for me. I miss Scott terribly. It would be so easy to hitch to a bus station and run home to him. Sometimes I spend all day thinking about going home. But I just keep walking, trying to make my dream come true.

This morning I called Scott and talked to him about how I was feeling. He offered to come pick me up if that's what I want, but he really encouraged me to get back out there and keep hiking, which I eventually did.

Today's hike was actually very good. Walked through several cow pastures and over many stiles. Zach and I tried to remember all the words to "Tangled Up in Blue" by Bob Dylan. It was a lot of fun.

TeaTree and I talked about the good and the bad side of the group dynamics. We talked about how sometimes I want to go home. TeaTree has no home to go to, (She quit her job and gave up her apartment before starting the hike) so she doesn't have that temptation. I'm considering taking a few days off from hiking and going home to visit Scott.

I almost forgot - - - I shaved my head in Atkins! I have a really cool buzz cut now. Very low maintenance.

Day 54
Miles Hiked Today - 16.1
Total Trail Miles - 560.8

Davis Farm Campsite

I've decided not to go to Trail Days, the big hiker's festival in Damascus, next weekend. Instead I'll take those few days and visit Scott and his parents at the shore.

It's become obvious to me that Scott and our families are the most important part of my life. Some of my fellow-hikers have no home and not much family to miss, but I have both and I miss them desperately.

Last night I dreamt of Otis, my old cat. He was still in one of my former apartments that I hadn't lived in for quite awhile. When I went inside, he was so happy to see me. I was surprised to find him alive after having no food or water for so long. I think that the dream tells me that I am subconsciously worried that I am abandoning Scott while I'm out here on my hike. Otis is a symbol of abandonment for me and he represents Scott in the dream.

I now realize that I need to take some time out of my hike to visit Scott so he knows that I am not abandoning him. Even if it's for my own peace of mind.

On a lighter note, things I crave:

• Coffee
• Tofu paté
• Leena's chocolate cake with white icing
• Sourdough bread
• Soy margarine
• My mom's vegan cookies
• Baked tahini pasta
• A hug from Scott

Day 55
Miles Hiked Today - 14.7
Total Trail Miles - 575.5

Motel Room in Bland, VA

Last night at Davis Farm was so nice. I slept out under the stars after watching the sun set over a valley called "God's Thumbprint." Brooklyn, TeaTree, and Green Light were also there.

I talked with Scott earlier this evening and told him that I wanted to visit him next weekend. I think at this point, he'd rather have me hurry up and get to Maine so that we can be together again. Every time I talk with him, I wonder if being out here is the right thing for me, but the wrong thing for us. Will I regret it if I go home to be with him or will I regret it if I stay out here?

I really wish I knew how Scott feels. I know that he won't ask me to come home, but what if he needs me? This is very hard for me. Maybe I should go home for a week to visit him.

My feet are sore, but my knees are doing much better. Physically, I know that I can make it to Maine. My real struggle is a mental one.

Day 56
Miles Hiked Today - 2.3
Total Trail Miles - 577.8

Helvey's Mill Shelter

I cried all the way to the shelter today. Aside from feeling bloated on town food, I am mentally exhausted. I really need to see Scott again and try to determine whether I'm still doing the right thing by being out here.

I've decided to hike to Pearisburg (three more days) and find my way home from there. I need to see how it feels to be at home. If I feel that I should come back and finish my hike, I will do that. But if I feel that I don't want to come back, I'll stay home.

I think I've already learned that the most important thing to me is the people I love, especially Scott. I belong with him. I can take care of myself and be very independent when necessary, but I'd rather be with him. This hike has taught me that.

I've also learned that I love to be outside, that physical activity is very good for my spirit, that I'm sort of an anti-consumerist, and that I can live (easily) without television. I've learned that the earth gives us more if we take time to appreciate her. Every tree is here for a reason, every bird has a different song.

Day 57
Miles Hiked Today - 23.4
Total Trail Miles - 601.2

Wapiti Shelter

Some of the sights and highlights from today:

• Four-foot-long black snake that I almost stepped on
• Two fat lizards that I almost stepped on
• 100-foot suspension bridge that I jumped up and down on and which shook violently with my weight (fun!)
• New flowers and trees. Wonderful flower smells!
• Brief rain shower that cooled me off nicely

Tomorrow I'll be in Pearisburg and will call Scott. I'll talk to him about whether I should come home and see him for a few days. I really miss him, but I also want to keep hiking. This is so difficult!

Once again, I find myself envious of my fellow-hikers who are single and/or "homeless". They have different hardships I suppose, but at least they aren't tempted daily by the thought of going home.

Day 58
Miles Hiked Today - 16.2
Total Trail Miles - 617.4

Pearisburg, VA

I've decided to keep hiking. Even though a big part of me wants to be at home with Scott, I also want to hike to Maine. I'm going to stick it out for as long as I can. One foot in front of the other. Steps turn into miles, and miles turn into days.

The weather was great today and I hiked alone. A few miles outside of Pearisburg, I thought I saw some dogs ahead of me on the Trail. As I got closer, I saw that they were goats! Three goats wearing bells around their necks.

Day 59
Miles Hiked Today - 0
Total Trail Miles - 617.4

Pearisburg, VA

Today I ran lots of errands and nursed my blistered feet. I hope that I'll be able to hike tomorrow. I have two blisters that are underneath calluses. These are the worst! You have to dig through the callus (with a needle) to pop the blister. Not easy, not painless, not fun.

I met a trail angel named Melvin. He's an old man with a hatful of sad stories. He took me to the grave of his eighteen-year-old son who had been shot. The headstone was a simple cross with the boy's name and birth and death dates scratched into it in a childish hand. Ceramic figures of angels and animals stood next to the headstone and silk flowers were pushed into the soil. All the other graves were pristine, with expensive stones and annuals planted. But Melvin's boy's grave was simple, like Melvin.

I wish that I still felt my original excitement about thru-hiking. The "Virginia blues" are tough. But I know that I can finish, so I'm going to try. If I can just walk through this low period, I know I can make it to Maine.

Day 60
Miles Hiked Today - 0
Total Trail Miles - 617.4

Pearisburg, VA

No journal entry today.